on fashion

Am I buying into consumerism by buying fashion?

I mean - I know I scroll through TikTok and every cute outfit I see ends up making me unhappy with my own wardrobe, kind of jealous, desiring something new and interesting and perhaps even that very skirt this girl on my F-Y-P's wearing. I have this feeling that no matter how much I buy, or what kinds of things I buy, I'll never be happy with what I have - and my dive into depop selling has certainly not helped. I'm happy to get rid of perfectly good pieces to make room for more novel ones; I buy it, and I'm immediately disappointed. I don't know if I need this sweater anymore. I don't know if I want this top anymore. Instead...I want that button-up cardigan, or low-rise baggy pants kind of like the ones I saw on what's-her-name's page. I want a heart-shaped locket around my neck. I want a tie-front cardigan. I want a fitted drop-waist lacy dress with ruffles at the hem.

The point is that I'm never happy. My wardrobe will never be good enough, and that has slowly turned into a more fundamental discontent with what I own and what I wear. It really will never be enough...and the only way to get closer to that nebulous feeling, enough, is to buy more. Do you get what I mean? And then, as I become conscious of the way my whole mindset around buying and owning clothes kind of feeds into the gluttonous ultra-consumerist one - you know, those HomeGoods hauls filled with a bunch of crap you know you'll never actually use, that prototypical "I walked in for one thing and got six others" Target trip - I get that sick feeling, and I know I'm stuck in the trap of being a consumer. Buying things doesn't exactly make me feel good anymore, but not buying things still makes me feel bad. I'm missing out. My outfits are boring. Etc.

And, yes, I thrift most of my clothes; I'm very active in the second-hand market; in fact, I almost never buy things new. Expenses-wise, my depop sales pretty much cover all my purchases. But I'm still purchasing. A lot. I like layering and wearing tons of accessories and styling things in interesting ways, but at the end of the day, I still need (or, feel that I need) a lot of different clothes. And isn't that what fuels consumerism? This idea: I need more, I need to, well, consume.

I do think it's natural to desire things you don't have. I think it's very human; would our civilization be so advanced if people were just content with things being good enough? Would there be so much violence, greed, and heartbreak if people never wanted more? But - I'm not sure my heart would point directly towards buying more things without being exposed to all this rhetoric about buying more things on TikTok and everywhere else. And, like I said, my heart feels bad being pointed in this direction.

So...I haven't really found how to feel or get better about all this. My idea right now is that I can alter what I already have, instead, since I don't do that very much. Yes, I have to buy thread, buttons, whatever. But I don't think that's consumerist in the same way buying a top is, for me? The feeling is very different, and on my part, there's more creativity and literal creation.

What do you think?